HEART

Lots of us worry about whether we are good enough, so we strive for perfection, yet almost all of the time, good enough will do. In our heads, we think this is about what other people think, but really, in our hearts, this is up to us.

We’ve all heard of the 80/20 rule or Pareto Principle – 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort. That applies to pretty much everything. I actually think it is even more concentrated than that if you break down that top 20% and apply the rule again! Now you’re getting 64% of the result from 4% of the effort.

Big things grow from small beginnings

Everyone has heard of Dale Carnegie’s ‘How to win friends and influence people’ which has sold over 30 million copies. That started out as a short talk, which became a 90 minute lecture, and then developed into principles and then the book which is an evergreen bestseller. Big things can grow from small beginnings.

OK – easy for him – he’s famous and super successful. I’m not. How to feel like you’re good enough by working out what good enough is for you

Perfection is actually about confidence. The only way to build confidence is by doing something and feeling good about it. You build it up over time.

Remember – perfection is the enemy of progress.

5 ways to decide what good enough is for you

Start with your objective – what do YOU want to achieve here and why? Not other people, you. You’re the one who is the harshest judge. Only do it if it is worth it to you.

Set a goal – not what’s perfect, but what can you live with and by when, add a date to it. For it to be of any value, you need to get it done and out in the world, rather than just sitting somewhere half finished – that’s the brave bit – having a go and accepting it won’t be perfect

Make a start

It’s ok to fail – that’s great learning – growth mindset. Remember – you had a go – that makes you special right there.

Expect to improve it Get feedback and create a 2nd version, and then a third, if it’s still working, then do a 4th

Thanks so much for all the likes and comments – please keep them coming. Please share this with anyone else who may benefit from it.

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Do you worry constantly about other peoples’ opinion of you? Do you doubt yourself? Does that hold you back from doing this, trying these, or just being you want to be, who you are?

In our heads, we think this is about what other people think, but really, in our hearts, this is about how we feel about ourselves

A recent UK self-confidence survey revealed mind blowing statistics. Firstly for women: 85% don’t believe they are attractive, 2/3 are not confident in their job, 62% don’t believe they are intelligent, 56% don’t think they are liked by others. Then the men: 55% are not liked by others, 80% don’t believe they are attractive, half think they’re not intelligent, and only 42% think they’re good at their job

This can’t all be true. This is about what we say to ourselves.

I was definitely one of the 80+% – and I certainly still have my moments. I’m still on the journey. I was brought up to worry about what other people think, until my wife got very sick, and I made my breakthrough. I stopped caring about what others thought, and got really clear on what was important in life – and I pursued it. I had to believe I was good enough – brave enough – everyone was relying on me. I just had to work out how.

Other peoples’ opinions

A very good friend of mine taught me this about other peoples’ opinions.

It has stuck with me. It is so profound. I share it with people all the time.

Let’s break it down.

  1. We don’t know what they’re really thinking – only what they say – or don’t say. Most of them don’t say a lot, or when they do, it is coloured by whatever else is going on in their lives
  2. We make up stories all the time in the absence of full information – as Brene Brown says ‘the story I’m telling myself is ..’
  3. Let’s be honest, all of us spend way more time thinking about our own stuff. The same goes for them. So the fact is … they’re not really thinking about you much at all
  4. Finally, other peoples’ opinion of us is outside of our circle of control. We can’t do much about it.

Other peoples’ opinion of me is none of my business. What matters is my opinion of myself. And that’s where the self-talk comes in.

Self talk

We all have self talk. It can be negative or positive at different times. But be careful – thoughts become reality.

Negative self-talk. It is awful. We all do it. The worse the day, the worse it gets and the longer and stronger the loop is. I mean- where does all this shit come from? I wouldn’t say some of this stuff to my worst enemy, let alone someone that I actually kind of like. “you’ll never pull this off …” “this isn’t going to work” “you’re going to fuck this up” “nobody likes you” “nobody cares” “I knew this was a bad idea …” you get the drift.

Admitting this is pretty difficult. But it is also pretty helpful. It shines the light on these thoughts and it does make them look pretty ridiculous. A bit like the worries about the monster under the bed or in the cupboard when I was a kid.

What has happened is that my brain has been hijacked again. I have to get out of that cycle. Preferably I would avoid getting into the negative self-talk cycle. We’ve all heard the phrase – prevention is better than cure. It turns out to be right.

Remember – thoughts become reality – so you’re way better off thinking positively.

Positive self-talk is what helps – we need to counter our negative biases. We’re tough on ourselves. Positive self-talk, or affirmations are positive statements that work on our conscious and sub-conscious. Over time they affect the way that we think – we are training our brain to accept what we repeat.

It’s a practice.

This takes a lot of time.

When doing self-talk, it is important to use present tense and ‘be’ verbs, even if you are talking about things you are working on and want to achieve in the future. So examples are I am a great dad, I am strong, I am at peace with where I am, I choose not to do everything, I am fun, I accept the way things are, I take time out to look after myself.

Because of your inherent negative bias, you’re outnumbered here, so you need 3-5 times what the opposition has. So for every bit of negative self-talk, you’ll need 3-5 pieces of positivity.

Review them from time to time, but I don’t change mine that much.

Write it. Say it. Believe it.  For bonus points – Say it to yourself in the mirror.

It’s up to you

You get to decide if you’re good enough for you. That takes bravery, but it is so empowering when you’re free of that worry. It’s like you’ve been driving through life with the hand brake on – and all of a sudden you release it.

Next week – I’ll talk about working out what good enough is … for you.

Thanks so much for all the likes and comments – please keep them coming. Please share this with anyone else who may benefit from it.

I’m passionate about helping people grow and develop – to learn to be brave. For more information, please sign up to the blog, and I’ll send you a free starter kit for your own journey to Everyday Bravery.

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Do you struggle with work life stress? Have you ever found it hard to leave your work stress at work? Does it impact your family, not just you?

Lots of people talk about work life balance, but I believe a much better term is work life alignment – when your work and the rest of your life function together, supporting each other.

The American Psychological Association reports that 61% of Americans report feeling stressed about work. This is a huge societal problem.

We’ve all been there. Worries from a crap day at work leak into family life. You snap or growl at someone – complete over-reaction. They’re stunned, and hurt. Really – you’re still stuck on what happened – or didn’t happen at work. But now it is impacting your loved ones.

Work life stress vs work life alignment

Work is not optional for most of us. We’ve all gotta make bank. Work can be awesome. I really enjoy what I do, but that doesn’t mean it is perfect. It gives and it takes.  I’ve benefited from that in many ways. Often work and the rest of life help each other out. Work kept me going – gave me a distraction when things were tough. They were super supportive and flexible. Now I give back to them too. I am available at odd hours. But they let me look after my family and fulfil my other important roles during classic work hours too. I also remember during the financial crisis when I worked in banking that wasn’t much fun – then my family life helped compensate for the struggles at work.

The classic 9-5 is gone for most of us and the boundaries between work and home have blurred. That’s where work life alignment comes in. It is when you’re comfortable in both environments – when one doesn’t occur at the expense of each other, and when they support each other.

7 Tips for preventing work stress from affecting the rest of life

  • Be open, honest and authentic – be yourself in both situations. tell people what is going on. Goes both ways. Have a small vent if you need to – then move on
  • First things first – if you’ve got something big on – focus on it, whether it is work or family – otherwise you’re lying to yourself and others
  • Finish stuff – don’t let it hang over you all weekend. Finish it on Friday afternoon while you’re all warmed up anyway – you won’t regret it.
  • Write a start up list for tomorrow – write down the stuff you haven’t finished for tomorrow. Review it in the morning – you may find some of it suddenly isn’t necessary
  • Separate environment – even if you’re working from home – have a workspace where you don’t spend time otherwise – even if it is just a corner of a room – switch things off
  • Transition – create space (mentally) so you can leave work behind before you re-enter family life. Use the both to help transition your mind – move, breathe, talk
  • Gratitude – can’t be stressed and grateful at the same time – be thankful for everything that your work and life enable – even when it’s bad, there’s still good.

If you found this helpful, give it a like or a comment. Share it with a friend, or tell me what you’re struggling with – so I can address it in a future video. Subscribe to the youtube channel here, or sign up for the newsletter below

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Feel like you need a fresh start? You might have fallen into bad habits during lockdown, or maybe you’ve learnt a number of things along the way? You’re sure there’s a better way of doing things.

We’re all in a state of flux. We’ve had to change so much of what we do and how we do it over the last 2 years. Now is the time to change things for the better. We’re all doing things today that we couldn’t have dreamed of 2 years ago. That opens up opportunities for each of us. You’ve just got to grab them. If you’re brave you can do this.

New Chapter

Fresh starts provide the best opportunity to change our behaviour. Katy Milkman – a leading behavioural scientist from Wharton University – describes the fresh start effect. She found that we are much more likely to set new goals and change what and how we do things when we start a new chapter in life. We’re all starting a new chapter now.

I come from a long line of conflict averse people. I worried about what people thought about me. That meant I wasn’t very brave. Then 3 years ago my wife got very sick. We almost lost her. It was just horrible. She survived but she’s suffered a brain injury and won’t ever be the same again.  I had to learn to be brave. I was forced to stop worrying about what could go wrong and focus on what was meaningful and important and I had to do things differently. That meant learning to say no to people and focussing on what could go right. It was a horrible time, but it wasn’t all bad. Amidst all that rain, I found some rainbows.

Build back better

Depending on where each of us is, we’re part way through finding our way out of COVID related restrictions. This is a unique opportunity in our lives to do things better. We’re starting a new chapter. Despite the enforced change, we’ve all found things that are much, much better for us in these last 18 months. I’m not just talking about reduced commuting time through enforced working from home. Sure, there was less travel, but that meant more time with the family. Maybe it is improved productivity through fewer meetings. Or more (or different) exercise. Most of us are pretty clear on what the important relationships in our lives are. Then there’s having more time for reflection or ‘me time’ and much more.

Don’t just snap back to how it all was before. Reflect on what you’ve learned. Be brave. Choose carefully and deliberately. Think of it as Life 2.0. Make it a life of meaning. Take the best of before and add in the best things you’ve learned and get rid of the rest.

Top 5 for a fresh start:

  • Why – as Simon Sinek says – start with your ‘why’. Ensure your priorities dominate your time, rather than someone else’s priorities
  • Clean slate or tabula rasa as they say in latin. When you start afresh, don’t just copy and paste what you did last time. Start with a blank sheet and add in the important/enjoyable/effective things first
  • Who you spend time with – you are the average of the 5 people you spend time with … who is it that helps you be your best? Choose wisely.
  • Start with Fun – this isn’t about suffering for some distant goal. This is your life. You’re allowed to have fun along the way – design it in from the start! You’re way more likely to succeed
  • Reflect – carve out time to reflect as you go – it is key to continuous improvement

If you enjoyed this, give it a like or a comment. Share what you’re going to change for the better. Subscribe to the youtube channel or Sign up for the newsletter at bravenewblokes.com.au

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We’re all living without things we used to have. The practice of accepting things that we can’t change is an absolute super power. It is the difference between getting stuck with what you don’t have any longer and moving back to the present and learning to enjoy yourself again. The 5th and final of Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ 5 stages of grief is acceptance. Acceptance is all about coming to terms with the realities of:

  • The past
  • The present
  • That the future might not be everything you wish it would be

“Of course there is no formula for success except, perhaps, an unconditional acceptance of life and what it brings.” ~Arthur Rubinstein

Life is messy, unpredictable, and impermanent. Things will change along the way. We will all change along the way. We need to practice the ability to accept what happens along the way and embrace it. It doesn’t mean that we give up or that we have to like it. It doesn’t mean we choose to have things this way. No way.  But we allow it to be there. We give ourselves permission to be where we are, to feel what we feel. There’s no shame in it. It is who we are. We have to start with where we are. Think about going on a walk. If you don’t know where you are right now, how on earth will you get to where you’re doing?

How it works

Acceptance, like many other things, is a practice. We get better at it with time and effort. But we never perfect it, we just do our best.

Stuff that we can’t control happens in life all the time. When it happens, we need to receive it with open arms. We need to look at it positively. Fighting it won’t help. It has already happened. We get to decide how we receive it and what we do about it. It is a choice that each of us have. Everything happens for a reason. That will become apparent eventually.

5 Stages of Grief

A psychologist called Elizabeth Kubler-Ross identified 5 stages of grief. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and then acceptance. They can be applied to situations other than just loss. We don’t always move straight through, we can skip steps, and different situations will take different amounts of time. Regardless, acceptance is where we are headed with the process. The less we fight against it, the easier it will be. The more accepting we are of things, the better we get at it. Mindset comes into this as well. Acceptance opens the door for opportunities. Something bad isn’t all bad. By accepting it, we are able to move forward.

Covid is a great example. That was a huge stressor and disruptor. Some of it was fear of the virus itself for ourselves and families. Some of it might have been financial. Lots of it was missing out on things we wanted – seeing family and friends, holidays, travel, or just being told we couldn’t do what we wanted, when we wanted.

Happiness

Happiness is wanting what you have, not having what you want. Quite a profound difference. Comparing ourselves to others is a one-way path to unhappiness. It is very easy to find something better elsewhere. Someone who is better at work, has a nicer home, more friends, makes better food, goes on better holidays, is better looking, has more money, is more popular, tells better stories, takes better pictures, has more popular social posts .. it never ends. Happiness is wanting what you have. That is the difference between feeling happy and being happy

We can still work on changing things. Improvement and a sense of progress is really important to overall wellbeing. But it needs to come from a place of acceptance of the present. Very few of us are born with amazing abilities. We learn them and develop them through practice, coaching and experience. They improve over time.

Avoiding Difficult Emotions

This isn’t always so easy. Most of us have spent a lifetime avoiding hard stuff – anyone up for an afternoon of procrastination? Whilst it may feel like it is working in the short run, we’re just making things worse. Like when we let a disagreement fester instead of solving it directly, or when we tolerate someone else’s behaviour even though it doesn’t align to our values. The longer we let these situations go, the harder it will be to sort them out. There are a few ways we do this.

Suppression of feelings – this is where we try not to allow ourselves to think certain thoughts or feel ‘negative emotions’. It is really hard to do – and it certainly doesn’t work in the long run. Try not thinking about a pink elephant right now.

Emotional Avoidance – this is where we distract ourselves or just avoid situations that give rise to negative emotions. We may need to ‘work this evening’ rather than have a challenging conversation. Or it may be that we just watch tv, or read a book or play a video game rather than starting a piece of work where we feel unsure or worried. Or when we’re feeling sad or stressed, we may just take on extra work in order to ‘stay busy’ and not have to face into the things that upset us (that’s my go to coping mechanism).

I find myself getting better at acceptance with time. I’m definitely better at accepting small stuff first time around (not always, but more often). With the bigger things, it comes in periodic breakthroughs. Things upset me for a while, but then one day I realise that I can’t change them and they don’t bother me as much. I can still be sad about them, or miss things or people, but I accept that they’ve changed. I’m ready to move forward. I’m not awesome at this yet. I’m not sure I’ll ever be. There are still things I’m working on accepting, but at least I know I’m working on them, and I know I’ll get there.

What things could you be accepting to help you move forward?

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Today, August 6, 2021, is the 3rd anniversary of my wife’s heart attack – see My Story. It’s also the 3rd anniversary of 4 complete strangers (The Fab 4) saving her life by performing CPR for 20 minutes until the emergency services arrived. And it is the 3rd anniversary of the staff at the hospital performing a life-saving procedure to keep her alive while they worked out what had gone wrong. So, depending on how I choose to look at it, the 6th of August 2018 is either the worst or the best day of my life so far.

Hacking our brains – gratitude reduces stress

Dr Robert Emmons, the world’s leading expert on gratitude has found that gratitude counters stress and uncertainty. When we’re feeling gratitude, our brain gets flooded with dopamine and serotonin – the parasympathetic nervous system takes over from the sympathetic nervous system. To put it simply, the fight or flight response stops. We shift the way we’re thinking. We focus on what we do have, rather than what we don’t. It is amazing – seriously.

I didn’t know much about all of that 3 years ago. I hacked my way through for months and then started learning about all of this afterwards. Intuitively I knew that gratitude was a good thing. It made me feel good, and it felt like it was the right thing to do. It was important for me to role model that for the boys. I got in contact with the Fab 4 (the passers by who did the CPR) to thank them. I was bringing in chocolates and Tim Tams for the ICU staff. When Tove left the hospital, the boys and I made a thank you video for everyone who was involved in saving her (77 people – all named in the video) see thank you post. I pestered our local member of parliament until The Fab 4 were given an award for Public Service – it helps when your local member is the Premier – thanks Gladys.

Dominic Morgan (Head of NSW Ambulance Service), Tove and the Fab 4

Gratitude is a practice

Now I have a daily gratitude practice. Every morning I write up 3 things I’m grateful for from the previous day. Not just big things, but also little things. It can be a smile from someone, or a moment of peace, the feeling of sun on my face or something more profound that will last for years. Around the table at night, we make it a habit of talking about 1 thing that each of us are grateful for from today.

We’re all hard wired for negativity – it’s in our genes. Bad news gets our attention. That’s really handy if you’re likely to get attacked by a sabre tooth tiger or the tribe in the next valley. It’s not so handy in today’s information society where bad news is everywhere. That’s why I stopped watching the news and restrict reading the news. It takes between 3-5 positive thoughts to outweigh a negative thought. But the more grateful we are, the better it gets. We’re re-wiring our brains every time we focus on gratitude and positivity and therefore reduce our stress.

It is east to be stressed most of the time, certainly right now. It is also surprisingly easy to be grateful. There are so many things we can be grateful for everyday, not least that gratitude reduces stress.

What are you grateful for right now?

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I’m not a natural at talking about how I feel. Certainly not talking about tough stuff. I’m not really sure why. The men around me when I was a kid didn’t do it. Not many of my mates do it.  I quite like a chat, but my natural response to tough situations is to put my head down and work hard, in the hope that I can solve it or that it will give up and go away. Don’t complain, don’t explain. Like when my Dad died, I just threw myself into all the things that needed to be done – it was easy to keep myself busy. Likewise, when my wife had her heart attack – see my story – it was very easy to be busy … but it was very tough. But the tougher it gets, the more we need to talk.

I’m naturally conflict averse – I feel like this is related to not talking about feelings. I’m avoiding a conflict with myself. But just because I’m avoiding talking about the tough stuff doesn’t mean that it isn’t there and isn’t going to cause problems.

Tough stuff can’t be avoided forever

I don’t really know why I thought I could just white knuckle it through. I had been through a lot. There was the trauma of my wife being on life support and in a coma, and then the 10 weeks in hospital. Then there was the stark reality of her brain injury. I was now effectively a single parent of 3 boys with a 4th dependent. Even harder than all of that was helping our 3 boys deal with the situation. Finally there was the toughest fact of all – my wife, my life partner, wasn’t there in the same way any more. Conversation was hard. Our shared memories were gone. The one person who I wanted to help me through this was the one person who couldn’t. Everyone was relying on me. I was busy. It was easy to decide to avoid this.

I learned the hard way how important it is to deal with the tough stuff. Bad stuff happens. It comes out anyway. I got sad, I got angry, I got frustrated, I got grumpy with the kids, I couldn’t relax. I was exhausted. I didn’t want to talk to people. I couldn’t be in the same room as other couples – how come they got to be happy when we didn’t?

I was working hard on myself with exercise, meditation, eating well, affirmations, writing a gratitude journal and lots more. But it wasn’t enough. I could feel it all through my body. At the beginning of 2021 we went through the annual review with all the doctors and specialists. It has been 2 and a half years since the heart attack. The reviews were tough to hear – after that amount of time, it was unlikely that we were going to see much improvement. On top of that, the diagnostics showed that there hadn’t been a lot of progress.

The dam wall broke then. I couldn’t hold it back any longer. I thought I was being realistic, but I’d been living on hope. ‘Hopium’ had been keeping me going. Now it had been taken away – I had gone cold turkey. I was so sad. I didn’t want to talk to people. I had to leave rooms to cry. I woke up in the middle of the night sobbing.

Opening up, talking and asking for help

The best thing I did was to admit that I was doing it tough. I chose the harder path and I admitted I needed help. I found a psychologist who was experienced at dealing with family loss and health problems. I started talking about the tough stuff. And then I got on with grieving. It wasn’t fun. It wasn’t easy. But I had someone to talk to about the hole in my heart, my worries about the future, my emotional baggage and all the stuff that was overwhelming me every day. She guided me through it. There was a process to follow. She explained what was going on. We took it one step at a time. There was a lot of talking. Between me and her, but also between me and a lot of other people.

I had to explain to the boys what was going on with me – that was tough on all of us. I was conscious of the need to set an example for them in dealing with and talking about tough stuff. I leant on my family and friends. It was challenging calling people up to say that I was really struggling and that I needed to talk. I warned them that it wasn’t going to be fun. But they were amazing. They listened, they supported, they cried too and they helped. I can’t imagine what it must have been like for them when they got home after one of these conversations. I cycled regularly through about 5 people. It is amazing to know that there are people I can really, really rely on when things are as tough as I’ve ever experienced.

It’s all in your head

While I am doing a few things differently, nothing much has changed in the physical world. The changes have all been in my head. I look at things differently now. I have found some peace with what has happened. I have made it to acceptance – the 5th of the 5 Stages of Grief. I’m calmer. The anger and frustration and tension in my body was a sign that something wasn’t right. I still have my moments, but they are a lot milder and further apart. I’m not wound as tight as a spring anymore. Little things are much less likely to set me off. I’m so glad I started talking about the tough stuff.

Happiness is wanting what you have. Unhappiness is the opposite – not wanting what you have, or not having what you want. I’m not sure I’m all the way to happiness yet, but I’m certainly a lot closer than I have been in the last 3 years.

There’s a prize for being honest with yourself and open with others – you get help.

Be Brave.

PS – If you’re not feeling so good – ask for help – here are some useful links

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Lockdown 2.0. Another vacation cancelled. Another school holiday that’s a bust. Home schooling is back. No one knows how long it will last, or if they do, they’re not telling us. The kids can’t see their friends. I’m IT help desk. Work, home life and school have all merged into one. After a few expensive missed music lessons, I’ve now got 3 different kids’ music lessons in my work calendar with reminders. I’m multi-tasking my way through the days again – which, to be honest, isn’t one of my strengths. We all get to dinner a bit frazzled. The days blur into each other. We need a lockdown activity for the whole family.

So, what do you do to help everyone through this? There are only so many walks you can do, and they really aren’t that fun in the dark or in the rain, and while a 45-minute walk is great, a 5 minute one isn’t that satisfying. Family movies are good too – but that requires 5 people to agree on a film and sit still for 2 hours – high degree of difficulty.

Mates rates

What do we do? We play table tennis. My brother ended up with a second table tennis table a few months back. My brother and I grew up in a family a bit like the family on The Castle –

“Dad, there’s a bloke here selling jousting sticks – waddya reckon?”

“How much does he want for them?”

“$450”

“Tell him he’s dreamin’”

In the case of the table tennis table, the price was right – free. When it turned out my brother didn’t need 2 table tennis tables, the second table ended up at our place.

Purple Reign

When lockdown arrived, we decided to sacrifice the sitting room, and turn it into the table tennis room. Out with the chairs and coffee table, in with the purple table tennis table. Yep – purple … does it get any better than that?

yep – it really is purple

The table tennis room is right outside the kids’ bedrooms. It’s perfect. With 3 boys, 2 parents and sometimes a carer, there are endless possibilities. Or you can push one of the tables up against the wall for a bit of Forrest Gump style solo practice. The ultimate lockdown activity for the whole family.

Sometimes we run convoluted tournaments with qualifying rounds, semi-finals and finals. Often, it’s just a quick 5 minutes in between lessons or meetings or before or after a meal.

The only complaint is if someone’s on a zoom lesson where they can’t mute and there’s a boisterous game going on (is there any other kind of table tennis?).

I’m not saying table tennis is a cure for everything, but it comes close. It’s a great way to turn a bad mood around (see post 3 simple ways to turn a bad mood around). It has 2 of the 3 straight out of the box – move and mates. If we play music while we play, then we get a grand slam!

It’s pretty hard to take yourself seriously playing table tennis – at least with our skill levels, though it’s actually an Olympic sport. I’m sure we’ll improve, and as host nation, I believe we get an automatic entry into each sport – so Brisbane 2032 here we come. Maybe I’ll end up as Australia’s oldest Olympian. Hopefully not … I think that would take the fun out of it. That’s why table tennis is the lockdown activity for our family.

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When my wife left hospital, I wanted to thank all the people who had looked after her for almost 6 weeks – see my story. I spent a lot time in the ICU. The staff there were amazing – and plentiful. I realised after about 2 or 3 days that there was a huge team involved in looking after her. I started writing down the names of everyone that was helping her. By the time she left hospital I was up to 70 names.

I also wanted to help our boys see themselves as fortunate, rather than as victims. So we decided to make a thank you video for everyone there – I figured it was easier to pass around than a card. Here’s the video we made.

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We all get stuck in a bad mood. It happens. The question is how to get out of a bad mood before it starts to you drag everyone around you into one too?

Things don’t always go to plan. That’s a part of life. There are great tools to use like the circle of control (that’s the subject of another post yet to come). This helps me a lot when things go wrong. To be honest, it seems like most of the things that can wind me up are outside of my circle of control (not sure what that says about me ..) Anyway,  I think I’m fairly good at accepting stuff that goes wrong these days. But … they can still wind me up. After all the trauma I’ve been through (see my story), my natural response is to go into crisis/action mode. Sometimes that’s the right thing to do, but not often.

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